Heartbreak Recovery Over the Holidays: A Care Package

Heartbreak Recovery Over the Holidays: A Care Package
A reflective workbook for healing, meaning, and self-care during the Holiday Season
— From  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby ❤️
How to Use This Workbook
This workbook is your supportive companion for moving through the holidays with intention, clarity, and care. Think of it as a gentle guide that meets you exactly where you are—no pressure, no judgment, just compassionate support for this tender season.
01
Reflect and Process
Use the guided journaling prompts to explore your feelings, reflect on your experiences, and process what's coming up for you during this season.
02
Choose What Resonates
Select the rituals and practices that feel most meaningful to you. There's no need to do everything—trust your intuition about what you need.
03
Honor Your Pace
Allow yourself to move through this workbook at your own speed. This isn't homework or an assignment—it's a tool for healing, and healing takes the time it takes.
04
Access Ongoing Support
Bookmark the Spotify podcast playlist and Heartbreak Recovery course library for continued guidance whenever you need it throughout the season.
05
Remember This Truth
You are not alone in this experience. This season can be meaningful, even in its messiness. Your healing matters, and you deserve compassionate support.
Table of Contents
This workbook is designed as a compassionate guide through the unique challenges of heartbreak during the holiday season. Below, you'll find an outline of the sections, each offering insights, strategies, and journal prompts to support your healing journey. Feel free to navigate this content at your own pace, returning to sections as needed.
Understanding the Layers of Holiday Pain
Heartbreak during the holidays isn't just about missing one person. It's about the complex layering of multiple losses, expectations, and emotional triggers that all converge during this culturally loaded time of year.
Family Expectations
Navigating questions, concerned looks, and pressure to participate in traditions.
Memories
Triggered by places, songs, foods, and rituals associated with your relationship.
Social Comparison
Seeing others' seemingly perfect holidays on social media while you're struggling.
Lost Future
Grieving not just what was, but what you thought would be—future holidays you imagined together.
Identity Shift
Showing up to gatherings as a single person when you expected to be part of a couple.
Which of these feel most true for you? Or is it something else? Use the space to write down any reactions or reflections.
Understanding Emotional Triggers Around the Holidays
Holidays after a breakup are deeply emotional territory. You might be experiencing waves of feelings that seem to come out of nowhere, or you may find yourself bracing for difficult moments you know are coming. This heightened emotional state isn't a sign that something is wrong with you—it's a completely natural response to navigating a significant loss during a culturally significant time.
The emotions you're feeling might include intense sadness or longing that catches you off guard, feeling triggered by family gatherings or traditions that now carry painful associations, pressure to appear cheerful when you're struggling internally, or a sense of isolation from others who don't fully understand what you're going through. All of these responses are valid and common.
This phenomenon is known as the anniversary effect—our emotional memory responds strongly to significant times of year, dates, and seasonal transitions. Your mind and body remember what happened during previous holidays, and those memories can activate grief responses even when you're not consciously thinking about them. But experiencing this doesn't mean you're broken or stuck. It means you're grieving, and grief is actually a sign of your love, your courage, and your capacity for transformation.
You are not doing this wrong. You're doing the work of healing.
The Purpose and Power of Grief
What Grief Teaches Us
This is an especially powerful time to do the important work of grieving and to use this as an opportunity to move your healing process forward. The goal of grief isn't necessarily to feel sad all day—and you certainly don't have to—but it is important to honor your feelings and acknowledge your losses.
Grief also serves a deeper purpose: it helps us understand the things that are most truly important to us. When you consider the sadness and longing that comes up, think about what this grief is telling you about your core values, the things that matter most to you, and what you want to have in your life more than anything else.
From Grief to Hope
Using sadness in this way transforms grief from simply an expression of feelings into a tool for connecting with your deepest core values. This awareness becomes the foundation for building a vision and a road map of hope for the future.
This hopeful vision will become the road you walk down as you build a brighter future in the later stages of your heartbreak recovery work. Every tear you shed today is watering the seeds of who you're becoming tomorrow.
Journal Prompt: What's Coming Up for Me?
Take some time to explore what's present for you right now. Write freely and honestly—there are no wrong answers, only your truth.
Emotions and Memories
What emotions or memories are coming up for me this holiday season? Are they arriving as waves, sudden moments, or a constant undercurrent?
Specific Triggers
Are there specific dates, people, or situations I'm dreading? What about them feels most challenging or painful to anticipate?
Unspoken Truths
If I could name one thing I wish others understood about what I'm feeling, what would it be? What's been hardest to put into words?
Write your reflections here:
You Get to Decide What These Holidays Mean Now
These holidays may no longer hold the same meaning they once did—and that's completely okay. You're not obligated to recreate the past or maintain traditions that no longer serve you. You're allowed to redefine what these days mean for where you are now and for who you are becoming.
This is an act of empowerment and self-compassion. Instead of trying to force yourself back into old patterns that no longer fit, you can consciously choose new meanings that support your healing journey. You can honor what was while also making space for what is and what will be.
The holidays ahead offer opportunities for reflection, renewal, and rediscovery. Each one can become a milestone in your healing journey—a chance to practice new ways of being, to honor your resilience, and to create meaning that's authentically yours.
Creating Your Holiday Grieving Ritual
Here's a gentle framework for creating your own grieving ritual. Adapt it in any way that feels right to you.
Create Sacred Space
Light a candle, put on meaningful music, or find a quiet corner where you feel safe and held. This signals to your nervous system that something intentional is about to happen.
Write Your Truth
Write a letter to your ex or to your former self. Say what needs to be said—the things you never got to express, the feelings you've been holding, the goodbye you need to speak.
Speak It Aloud
Read your letter out loud. Let your voice carry these words out of your body and into the world. This act of speaking can be powerfully releasing.
Choose Release
Decide how to release the letter. You might tear it up, burn it safely, bury it in the earth, or place it somewhere meaningful. Choose what feels most complete to you.
Seal With Intention
Say to yourself: "I honor what was. I release what no longer serves me." You might add your own words or simply sit in silence, feeling the shift.
This practice isn't about forgetting. It's about creating closure with care, on your own terms, in your own time.
Reframing Holiday Meanings
Consider these symbolic meanings for healing as you approach the major holidays. These are invitations, not prescriptions—take what resonates and leave the rest.
Thanksgiving
Gratitude for resilience, chosen community, and small joys. A time to acknowledge how far you've come and the strength you've shown, even on the hardest days.
Christmas & Winter Holidays
Inner light, spiritual renewal, comfort and clarity. A season for tending to your own light when external celebrations feel overwhelming or hollow.
New Year's
Rebirth, letting go, and writing a new story. A threshold moment for releasing what was and stepping intentionally into what's next.
Identifying Your Personal Holiday Landscape
What are the holidays that feel most impactful and important to you? They might be major national holidays, cultural events that were important to your family, religious observances, and even birthdays and anniversaries that hold special meaning. This is a very individual exercise and will be different for everyone.
Some holidays carry emotional weight because of traditions you shared with your ex. Others might be significant because of family expectations or cultural importance. And some dates might be painful simply because they mark time passing—anniversaries of when you met, when you broke up, or other relationship milestones.
Holiday #1
What holiday feels most significant or emotionally charged for you right now? Write it down and begin to acknowledge its importance in your healing journey.
Holiday #2
What is the second holiday that carries emotional weight this season? Consider both the joy and the pain associated with this date.
Holiday #3
Identify a third significant date—perhaps one that surprised you with its emotional impact. Sometimes the holidays we least expect hit us the hardest.
Let's explore what these holidays could mean to you now, in this season of transformation and healing.
Journal Prompt: Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving often centers on gathering, gratitude, and abundance. But when you're heartbroken, those themes can feel complicated or painful. Use this space to explore what Thanksgiving means to you now.
Past Meanings
What has this holiday meant to me in the past? What traditions, people, or feelings do I associate with Thanksgiving from previous years?
Present Values
What values or experiences do I want to center this year? How might I honor both my grief and my resilience on this day?
Remember: Gratitude and grief can coexist. You can be thankful for your journey while also acknowledging the pain of loss. Both truths are valid.
My Thanksgiving Reflections:
Journal Prompt: Christmas and Winter Holidays
Christmas and other winter holidays often carry expectations of joy, family togetherness, and celebration. When you're healing from heartbreak, these expectations can feel like pressure or highlight what's missing from your life right now.
Emotional Meaning
What emotional or symbolic meaning could I give this day? How might I reconnect with the spiritual or personal significance of this holiday in a way that feels authentic to where I am now?
Nourishing Rituals
What kind of ritual, tradition, or moment would nourish me? What would feel genuinely comforting, meaningful, or healing—even if it's completely different from what I've done before?
You don't have to recreate the magic of past holidays. You get to create new meaning that honors who you are right now.
My Winter Holiday Reflections:
The Universal Promise of Returning Light
Many winter holiday traditions, spanning diverse cultures and beliefs, share a profound core symbolism: the triumph of light over darkness. From the Winter Solstice marking the shortest day and the gradual return of longer daylight hours, to festivals like Hanukkah, Diwali, and Christmas, which feature candles, lamps, and bright decorations, there's a deep-seated human need to acknowledge and celebrate the eventual return of warmth, hope, and illumination after periods of profound darkness. This ancient narrative speaks to an enduring truth about cycles of loss and renewal.
As you navigate the personal "darkness" that heartbreak can cast, this universal symbolism offers a powerful metaphor. Consider what the "return of the light" might look like in your own life right now. It might feel distant, perhaps even impossible, but allowing yourself to envision possibilities for a brighter future is a crucial, often subtle, first step. This act of imagination isn't about ignoring your current pain, but about gently tending to the ember of hope within, reminding yourself that just as the seasons turn, so too can your emotional landscape begin to shift.
What would a brighter chapter entail for you? What small rays of light—perhaps moments of peace, reconnection, or rediscovery—could pierce through the shadows? Even if these visions feel like whispers today, holding space for them can begin to lift the weight of your current sorrow and invite the possibility of healing and renewed joy.
My Reflections on Returning Light:
Journal Prompt: New Year's
New Year's holds special power as a threshold—a symbolic ending and beginning. When you're healing from heartbreak, this transition can feel especially poignant as you consider what you're leaving behind and what you're stepping into.
Leaving Behind
What am I leaving behind with this year? What patterns, beliefs, or versions of myself am I ready to release as this chapter closes?
Stepping Into
What do I want to step into in the new year? What qualities, experiences, or ways of being am I calling forward as I begin again?
My New Year's Reflections:
New Year's isn't about resolutions or pressure to transform overnight. It's about acknowledging the natural rhythm of endings and beginnings, and choosing—with intention—who you want to become.
Acknowledging the Loss and Letting Go With Intention
You are carrying a real loss—even if it's invisible to others, even if people think you should be "over it" by now. Taking time to honor what's gone can create emotional space for what's next. This isn't about dwelling in sadness; it's about acknowledging your truth so you can move forward with clarity and peace.
A grieving ritual is a conscious, intentional act that honors your loss and marks a moment of release. It's a way of saying: "I see what I've been carrying. I honor its weight. And now I'm ready to set it down." These moments of ceremony can be profoundly healing, creating a clear boundary between what was and what will be.
You might feel vulnerable or uncertain about creating your own ritual. That's completely natural. The beauty of personal ritual is that there's no wrong way to do it—only what feels true and meaningful to you.
Journal Prompt: My Holiday Grieving Ritual 
Grief is all about acknowledging the things that have been important to us, respecting the losses that they represent, and understanding our feelings of grief as an opportunity to get increased clarity about the things that are most important to us that we might want to build into our Lisa in the future. 
What do you need to honor? What do you need to release? 
What is it about the things that are important to you that shows you who you are and what you care about?
Use this space to plan and reflect on your personal grieving ritual. There's no rush—you can return to this page whenever you feel ready.
What I'm Grieving
What am I grieving this season? Name the specific losses—the relationship itself, the future you imagined, the traditions you shared, the identity you held as part of a couple, or anything else that feels present.
What Needs Release
What emotions or truths have I been carrying that need to be released? What feels heavy, stuck, or unfinished that this ritual could help me honor and let go?
Sacred Elements
What would feel healing or sacred to include in my personal grieving ritual? What objects, words, places, or actions would make this moment feel meaningful and complete?
Planning My Grieving Ritual:






Creating a Day That Feels Supportive to You
Instead of trying to recreate the past or meet others' expectations, what if you created a holiday that feels genuinely good—or at least kind—to you right now? This is your invitation to design a day around your actual needs, not what you think you "should" do or how you think you "should" feel.
Self-care during the holidays isn't selfish—it's essential. When you're healing from heartbreak, you need extra tenderness, extra space, and extra permission to do things differently. The goal isn't to force joy or pretend you're okay. It's to create space for peace, presence, and whatever form of meaning feels accessible to you today.
1
Nature Walk or Solo Holiday Experience
You might choose to take a nature walk or create a solo holiday experience that feels restorative.
2
Nourishing Meal for Yourself
You could prepare a nourishing meal just for yourself, treating yourself with the care you'd show a beloved friend.
3
Read, Journal, or Rest Without Guilt
Maybe you'll stay in and read, journal, or rest without guilt.
4
Volunteer or Give to Others
Perhaps you'll volunteer your time or give to others in need, finding meaning through service.
5
Turn Off Your Phone
Or you might turn off your phone and spend the day offline, protecting your emotional energy from comparison and expectations.
6
What Else?
What would be meaningful for you?
Self-Care Ritual Ideas
Here are some gentle suggestions for creating a supportive holiday experience. Mix and match what resonates, or use these as inspiration for your own ideas.
Nature Immersion
Spend time outdoors—hiking, walking, or simply sitting under the sky. Nature has a way of putting things in perspective and offering quiet companionship.
Nourishing Yourself
Prepare a meal you love with care and intention. Cook something that smells delicious, tastes comforting, and reminds you that you deserve to be nourished.
Cozy Retreat
Give yourself permission to stay home and rest. Read that novel, watch that series, journal, or nap—without guilt or apology.
Service to Others
Volunteer at a shelter, food bank, or community organization. Sometimes getting out of our own pain and helping others can be deeply healing.
Digital Detox
Turn off your phone and spend the day offline. Protect yourself from social media comparison and the pressure to respond to messages.
Creative Expression
Paint, draw, make music, or engage with any creative practice that helps you process emotions without words.
What feels joyful and brings you pleasure?
What feels caring, to you?
Journal Prompt: What Would Make This a Special Day for Me?
Holidays when you're heartbroken can be a really lovely time to make contact with grief and do some powerful work around mourning on these quiet days. But they can also be wonderful times to really intentionally take care of yourself and make this holiday be all about you and what you really want and need it to be.
Designing From Scratch
If I could design this holiday from scratch, what would I include? What activities, people, foods, or experiences would make this day feel good to me?
Support I Need
What kind of support do I need—from myself or others? What would help me feel held, understood, or less alone during this time?
Saying Yes
What do I want to say "yes" to this year? What opportunities for connection, joy, or meaning am I ready to embrace, even in small ways?
Permission to Say No
What am I giving myself permission to say "no" to? What obligations, expectations, or traditions can I release without guilt?
What Would Make This Day Special for Me:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You're Not Alone—Additional Resources
Remember: reaching out for support isn't weakness—it's wisdom. It's recognizing that you're worthy of care and that healing happens in connection, not isolation.
Crucially, you are already part of the Heartbreak Recovery Community here at Growing Self. This community is a built-in support system designed to help you through this journey, ensuring you have a safe space to share and heal.
It's also important to remember that many people in your life—friends, family, and even acquaintances—likely want to hear from you today. If you find yourself wishing for more connections, or for a deeper sense of community, please know that this is a valid and important desire. Building new, supportive relationships is an achievable goal and a vital part of your healing journey.
Take a moment to consider what kind of connections you have right now. Use this holiday as an opportunity to reflect on what you would like your community to look like in the future. This is an area of your life that is truly worthy of your attention and development.
Recognizing feelings of loneliness, though uncomfortable, can be a powerful first step in building a more connected and fulfilling future. It's an invitation to cultivate the relationships that will truly nourish you.
Of course, if your feelings start to become unbearable, if you feel like you might lose control of yourself or harm yourself, it's very important to reach out immediately to a support network of people who are always available, who care about you very much, and who are here to help you.
Call 988 night or day to be immediately connected for free, confidential, human support 24/7.
Your Holiday Healing Podcast Playlist
Listen To the Heartbreak Recovery Spotify playlist for comfort, clarity, and connection. These episodes are specifically curated to support you through the unique challenges of healing after heartbreak: https://www.growingself.com/the-healing-after-heartbreak-collection/
Letting Go of Your Ex
Practical guidance on releasing attachment and moving forward when you're still emotionally entangled.
Managing Grief Triggers
Understanding why certain moments hit so hard and how to navigate intense emotional responses with compassion.
Obsessive Thoughts
Tools for managing the mental loops and rumination that can intensify during emotionally charged times.
Creating Meaning After Loss
Exploring how to find purpose and build a meaningful life even while you're still healing.
Emotional Waves of the Holidays
Specific strategies for navigating the unique challenges of heartbreak during holiday seasons.
Bookmark this playlist and return to it whenever you need a supportive voice in your ear. Sometimes just hearing someone who understands can make all the difference. Use this space to jot down notes, thoughts, or reflections, or anything you heard in one of these podcasts or read in one of these articles.
Access the Full Heartbreak Recovery Program
- Use Your Tools
If you're enrolled in the Heartbreak Recovery Intensive you have access to a complete library of resources designed to support you through every stage of healing. Log in to revisit any module that feels relevant to where you are right now.
Program Modules Include:
Understanding Your Grief: Deep dives into the psychology of heartbreak and why you feel the way you do
Managing Difficult Emotions: Practical tools for working with intense feelings like anger, sadness, and anxiety
Rebuilding Your Identity: Rediscovering who you are outside of the relationship
Navigating Social Situations: Strategies for family gatherings, mutual friends, and awkward encounters
Creating Your Future: Visioning exercises and goal-setting for the life you want to build
Why Return to the Modules?
Healing isn't linear, and you'll find different insights resonate at different stages of your journey. A module that didn't land the first time might be exactly what you need now.
Give yourself permission to go back, review, and extract what's useful for this moment.
What do you need most right now? Chances are there's a lesson on this in the Heartbreak Recovery Resource Library. If not, post your questions or conundrum to the community.  Also, reach out to Dr. Lisa for guidance so she can support you in what you are going through,  specifically. 
Connect to Weekly Support
If you're part of the Growth Collective, you have access to live coaching calls and a supportive community of people who understand what you're going through. You are always welcome. You are always supported.
Live Coaching Calls
Join weekly group coaching sessions where you can ask questions, get personalized guidance, and feel less alone in your experience.
Community Forum
Post in the private community space to share your struggles, celebrate your wins, and connect with others on similar healing journeys.
Holiday-Specific Support
During the holiday season, additional support resources and check-ins are available to help you navigate this particularly challenging time.
Let your community know what you need, and we'll make it happen.
The Gift of Going Slow
In a culture that values productivity, efficiency, and bouncing back quickly, taking your time to heal can feel like failure. But rushing your grief only prolongs it. Going slow is actually the fastest way through.
When you allow yourself to move at the pace of your actual healing—not the pace others expect or you wish you could maintain—something beautiful happens. You begin to notice subtle shifts. You start to trust yourself again. You discover that you're stronger than you thought, and more resilient than you imagined.
What Going Slow Looks Like
Canceling plans when you need rest
Saying "I'm not ready" without apology
Revisiting the same feelings multiple times
Taking breaks from processing to just exist
Honoring your changing capacity day by day
The Wisdom in Slowness
Healing is not linear. It spirals, cycles, and returns to familiar territory with new perspective. Each time you meet the same grief, you're actually meeting it differently—with more tools, more self-awareness, and more compassion.
Trust the timing of your transformation.
How can you go slow and use this special time to support your healing journey?
When Loneliness Feels Overwhelming
There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes with heartbreak during the holidays—a double loneliness of missing your ex and feeling disconnected from the joy everyone else seems to be experiencing. This isolation can feel crushing.
Acknowledge It
Name the loneliness out loud or write it down. Sometimes just acknowledging "I feel incredibly lonely right now" can release some of its power.
Reach Out
Text a friend, call a family member, or post in your support community. Connection doesn't have to be in person to be real.
Self-Compassion
Speak to yourself the way you'd speak to a dear friend in pain. Offer yourself the kindness you deserve.
Loneliness is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It's a sign that you're human, that you loved deeply, and that you're courageously moving through one of life's most difficult transitions.
Who can you get in touch with right now? Who else in your life or in your world might be feeling kind of lonely during this holiday season and might be so happy to hear from you? Don't forget that a lot of people feel lonely and wish they had more intimate, emotionally close relationships. 
Take a chance, make the call, reach out, even if it's something low-key like going on a walk or going to the movies. Don't assume that you're the only one feeling lonely. You can be the brave person that reaches out and kindles a deeper friendship.
Remember, if you're ever in a particularly hard spot and just want to talk to a kind, compassionate person who can help you stop the spiral and feel better immediately, call 988-24/7. This will connect you with a compassionate person who is literally sitting by the phone right now, waiting to talk to you.
Creating New Traditions
Old traditions might feel painful or impossible to maintain. That's okay. You get to create new ones that honor who you are now and where you're headed.
1
Identify What Matters
What values do you want your new traditions to reflect? Connection? Gratitude? Creativity? Peace?
2
Start Small
New traditions don't have to be elaborate. They can be as simple as lighting a candle, taking a walk, or making a specific meal.
3
Invite Others (Maybe)
Consider whether you want these traditions to be solo practices or if you'd like to include friends or family.
4
Give It Time
New traditions might feel awkward at first. That's normal. Let them evolve organically over time.
Managing Family Questions and Comments
Family gatherings can be minefields of well-meaning but painful questions. "Where's your partner?" "Are you seeing anyone?" "You look so sad." Here's how to prepare yourself.
Prepare Your Script
Have a brief response ready: "We're no longer together, and I'm not ready to talk about it yet." Practice saying it until it feels natural.
Set Boundaries
It's okay to say, "I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather not discuss it right now." You don't owe anyone your story.
Have an Exit Strategy
Plan how you'll remove yourself from uncomfortable situations—take a walk, help in the kitchen, or leave early if needed.
Recruit an Ally
Ask a trusted family member or friend to help redirect conversations or provide support when you need it.
Remember: Most people mean well, even when their questions hurt. But you still get to protect your emotional energy and privacy. Use this space to think about your plan.
The Power of Micro-Moments
Healing doesn't always happen in big breakthroughs. Often, it's the tiny moments of okay-ness that add up to transformation. Notice and celebrate these micro-moments:
1
First Laugh
The first time you genuinely laugh without immediately feeling guilty about it.
2
Whole Day
The first whole day you don't think about them or check their social media.
3
Future Glimpse
The first moment you feel excited about something in your future.
4
Self Recognition
The first time you look in the mirror and recognize yourself again.
These micro-moments are proof of your resilience. They're evidence that healing is happening, even when it doesn't feel like it. Collect them. Remember them. Let them remind you that you're moving forward, even when it's slow.
Use this space to capture any micro-moments you notice, and use them as evidence of your forward progress.
When Shame or Guilt Creeps In
Shame and guilt are common companion during heartbreak recovery, especially during the holidays. It often stems from a deep desire to have done things differently or to be further along in your healing journey. You might grapple with shame or guilt for reasons like:
Still Grieving:
Not being "over it" yet, especially when others expect you to have moved on.
Social Expectations:
Feeling unable to fully participate in celebrations, leading to a sense of letting others down.
Past Actions:
Ruminating on your role in the relationship ending, feeling regret or self-blame.
Finding Joy:
Feeling "survivor's guilt" when moments of happiness arise.
Prioritizing Self-Care:
Feeling selfish for taking necessary time for yourself or setting boundaries.
Understanding and Working with Shame and Guilt:
Shame and guilt often show up when we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards or internalize external pressures. It's a complex emotion that can be a protective mechanism or a reflection of empathy.
Here's the truth: You're doing the best you can. Healing takes as long as it takes. Your feelings are valid. Acknowledge guilt with kindness and replace it with self-compassion and understanding.
Compassionate Reframes:
Instead of: "I should be over this by now."
Try: "I'm healing at my own pace, and that's okay."
Instead of: "I'm being selfish by taking time for myself."
Try: "I'm investing in my well-being, which ultimately benefits myself and others."
Instead of: "I messed up the relationship."
Try: "I contributed to the dynamics, and there are lessons I can learn with self-forgiveness."
The Importance of Feeling Your Feelings
Our culture often encourages us to "stay positive" or "look on the bright side," but this toxic positivity can actually prevent healing. Real recovery requires feeling all your feelings, not just the comfortable ones.
Sadness
Honoring the depth of what you've lost
Anger
Acknowledging the injustice or betrayal you feel
Fear
Recognizing anxiety about the future
Relief
Sometimes feeling lighter, even if it seems wrong
Hope
Glimpses of possibility emerging
All of these feelings are welcome. All of them are part of the healing process. You don't have to rush past the difficult emotions to get to hope. In fact, the only way to get there is through them.
Use this space to make notes about the feelings that are most present for you currently and what they mean.
Creating a Gratitude Practice (Without Bypassing Pain)
Gratitude can be a powerful healing tool, but only when it's authentic and doesn't dismiss your very real pain. You can hold both gratitude and grief at the same time.
Gratitude for Small Things
The warmth of your coffee, a text from a friend, the way sunlight looks on your wall. Start tiny. Grandiose gratitude often feels false when you're hurting.
Gratitude for Your Resilience
Acknowledge that you're still here, still trying, still showing up for yourself even when it's hard. That's worth recognizing.
Gratitude for Lessons Learned
This doesn't mean being grateful for the pain, but recognizing what the experience has taught you about yourself, your needs, and your boundaries.
Gratitude for Support
Notice who has shown up for you during this difficult time. Let yourself feel thankful for that presence, even if it doesn't fix everything.
Journal Prompt: What I'm Learning About Myself
Heartbreak, as painful as it is, often reveals truths about who we are and what we need. Use this space to explore what you're discovering.
My Strengths
What strengths have I discovered in myself during this difficult time? How have I surprised myself with my resilience or courage?
My Needs
What have I learned about what I truly need in relationships, in daily life, and in how I care for myself?
My Boundaries
What boundaries do I now understand I need to maintain? Where did I lose myself before, and how will I protect that space going forward?
My Non-Negotiables
What do I now know I absolutely need in my life and relationships? What can I no longer compromise on?
What I'm Discovering About Myself:
The Relationship Between Self-Care and Self-Love
Self-care during heartbreak isn't about bubble baths and face masks (though those are nice). It's about the deeper work of treating yourself with the love, respect, and care you deserve—especially when you don't feel like you deserve it.
Surface Self-Care
Surface self-care is about soothing—the comfort activities that help you get through the day:
Taking a warm shower
Eating nourishing food
Getting enough sleep
Moving your body gently
Watching something comforting
These matter. They're the foundation.
Deep Self-Love
Deep self-love is about sovereignty—the profound work of reclaiming your worth:
Setting boundaries, even when it's hard
Speaking kindly to yourself
Choosing what's healthy over what's easy
Honoring your needs without apology
Believing you deserve good things
This is transformative work.
When Hope Feels Impossible
There will be days when hope feels like a lie someone is telling you to make you feel better. Days when you can't imagine ever feeling whole again, ever trusting anyone, ever opening your heart. These days are part of the process.
Hope doesn't mean believing everything will be perfect. Hope means believing you can survive what comes next, whatever it is. If you are feeling exceptionally hopeless, that's okay. This is a moment to reach out for support and lean on other people.
If you're in a particularly hopeless moment, call 988 day or night to talk immediately to a kind, helpful person who can hold hope for you, helping you feel hopeful for yourself again.
Borrowed Hope
When you can't find hope in yourself, borrow it from others who believe in your healing. Let their faith carry you until you can carry yourself.
Evidence of Survival
You've survived 100% of your worst days so far. That's not nothing. That's actually incredible. Let that evidence speak when hope is silent.
Possibility, Not Certainty
Hope doesn't require certainty about how things will turn out. It only requires remaining open to the possibility that they might turn out okay.
Navigating Social Media During the Holidays
Social media during the holidays can feel like a highlight reel of everyone else's perfect life while yours is falling apart. Here's how to protect your peace.
78%
Comparison Rate
Percentage of people who report feeling worse after viewing social media during difficult times
100%
Curated Content
Remember: Everyone is showing only their best moments. You're comparing your inside to everyone else's outside.
0
Your Obligation
You owe exactly zero posts, updates, or explanations about your relationship status or emotional state
Consider taking a social media break during the most emotionally intense holiday periods. Your mental health is more important than staying connected online.
The Art of Saying No
One of the most powerful acts of self-care is learning to say no—to invitations, expectations, and obligations that don't serve your healing. This is especially important during the holidays when pressure to participate is high.
"No" Is a Complete Sentence
You don't owe lengthy explanations. "I'm not able to make it" or "That doesn't work for me" is sufficient. Practice saying this without apologizing or over-explaining.
Offer Alternatives (Maybe)
If you want to maintain the relationship but need different terms, you can suggest alternatives: "I can't do dinner, but I could meet for coffee earlier in the day."
Prioritize Your Comfort
If an event will genuinely harm your emotional wellbeing, it's okay to decline—even if it disappoints others. Your healing comes first.
Saying no to what drains you creates space to say yes to what nourishes you. This is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
Creating Your Support Network
You need different kinds of support from different people. Not everyone in your life can meet every need, and that's okay. Think of your support network as having various roles.
The Listener
Someone who can hold space without trying to fix or advise
The Distractor
Friend who helps you laugh and forget for a while
The Wise One
Someone with perspective who's been through it
The Practical Helper
Person who brings groceries or helps with tasks
The Professional
Therapist, coach, or counselor for deeper work
Identify who fills which role in your life. It's okay if you don't have all of these—but knowing what you need helps you ask for appropriate support from the right people.
Use this space to think through your own support network and the relationships that feel most helpful for you.
Journal Prompt: Letter to Your Future Self
Write a letter to yourself six months from now. What do you want to tell your future self about this experience? What do you hope will be different? What do you want to remember about this time?
Dear Future Me
Start your letter here. Imagine yourself six months from now—what has changed? How do you feel? What are you grateful for?
What I Want You to Remember
What insights, lessons, or truths from this difficult time do you want your future self to remember? What wisdom are you gaining?
My Hopes for You
What do you hope has transformed by then? What kind of life do you want to be living? What do you wish for your future self?
Dear Future Me,
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Seal this letter and set a reminder to open it in six months. You might be surprised by how much has shifted.
You Are Not Behind—You Are Becoming
The holidays may not feel magical right now. They might feel heavy, sad, or overwhelming. That's okay. They don't need to be perfect to be meaningful. They don't need to look like anyone else's to be valuable.
This is your time to move gently through the world. To grieve honestly without apologizing for your tears or your timeline. To begin again at your own pace, trusting that healing is happening even when you can't feel it.
What This Season Is Teaching You
You are stronger than you thought
You can survive what you thought would destroy you
Your capacity for love doesn't make you weak
Endings are also beginnings
You deserve compassion, especially from yourself
What Comes Next
You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to know exactly who you're becoming or what your life will look like on the other side of this.
You just have to take the next right step. And then the next. And the next.
And one day, you'll look back and realize how far you've come.
A Hope for Your Journey
May you be gentle with yourself during these tender days. May you honor your grief without letting it define you. May you find moments of peace, even in the midst of pain.
May you remember that healing is not linear, that setbacks are not failures, and that your worthiness has never been in question. May you trust the timing of your transformation, even when it feels impossibly slow.
May you discover new meanings in old traditions, and create new rituals that honor who you are becoming. May you feel held by those who love you, and may you learn to hold yourself with that same tenderness.
May you know, deep in your bones, that this pain is temporary, but your resilience is permanent. That you are not broken—you are breaking open. And that on the other side of this heartbreak, a new and beautiful chapter of your life is waiting.
You are not alone. You are held. You are healing. And you are exactly where you need to be.
With compassion and hope,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby